I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize