Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
