the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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