I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
