Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize