i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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