I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
