help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
