Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
