Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
