but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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