i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize