I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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