My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
