hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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