She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
