didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
My friends, they love my intelligence
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
