Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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