I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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