I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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