im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
