Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Randomize
