She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
