I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize