they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
