I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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