just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Vodka?
Forever.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
