we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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