he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
