Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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