if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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