Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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