If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
