if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
P.S. I can't hear my feet
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
