Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
