someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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