I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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