oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
