I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
don't judge my taste in strippers
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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