Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
