I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Watching her eat just hurts me
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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