Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize