just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
