So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
