To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
