mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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