We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
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