What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
