This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
