Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I FOUND THE LEGS
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
