I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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