Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Boobs are out for the taking
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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