After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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