I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
