Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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