i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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