So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
