Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
