he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize