my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
