Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
