I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
