this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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