I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
