just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
