my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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